I don't want to be a nice person, and I don't want people to say that I'm nice...but I do want them to say that I am kind and I want to be kinder. Kindness is transformational - transformational for the self and for the relationship. Real intimacy is the ability to hold on to and fully represent or stand with yourself and, at the same time, respond to or invite the self of the other person. In other words, there is a holiness within the other person that you must recognize and invite into the relationship. You must honor yourself and at the same time, honor the other. Kindness is different from nice because it does not leave yourself out of the equation. If you are kind to others it comes out of a wellspring of having been kind to yourself. You have been nurtured and filled by grace. You have practiced the art of caring for yourself. You consider yourself and value yourself and you have that to offer others. In contrast, being nice means you grit your teeth or sigh deeply and "do the right thing" for someone else even when that means doing things that might cause you harm or that will leave you feeling resentful. Here's the thing, the nicer you are, the meaner you will become. Yes, there are times for sacrificial love, there are times when you feel you have nothing left and you will be called upon to give. But, even these moments can be life-giving to yourself and to others through kindness.
So, be kind.
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