Laments & Promises

2009 was a terrible year for me. A laundry list of disappointments, challenges, and lack of pretty much everything. I can't remember a time when I felt more discouraged but especially in my spirit. I am praying that 2010 will be better. For the first time in my life we went to a food pantry to get assistance with groceries. In the past, we were there to make donations or help bag up the food. This time we were clients. Help from family and friends was also necessary and no matter how lovingly that help is given, it does not take away the feeling of loss and failure. In spite of the fact that we were not alone and that many friends were in the same boat, we still found ourselves feeling lonely and disconnected. What I did learn from all of this is that there is a whole lot of people suffering out there. That the struggle is not week to week but sometimes minute by minute. I felt so helpless when I would hear stories from others worse off than me and yet I was unable to help except to offer a listening ear. While I didn't loose my faith, it certainly became weak. I struggle every day just to gain an inch on rebuilding it. I hope in 2010 to make myself better and stronger and to forge a stronger relationship with God and His people. Human misery can be overwhelming to the point where I became paralyzed from it all, and that is the worse thing that can happen. As much as I want to do God's work, I must arm myself with the necessary tools or else risk becoming a victim of the devastation around me. I pray this will be a better year for me, for all of us.